Daisy leader has a serious question: I have a leader question. I have a girl in my troop who I constantly have problems with I have 24 in my troop and this girl have problems at every meeting it wasn’t until we went to camp when she damaged my truck and hit a girl in the face twic
e what should I do? Can I transfer her to another troop? I am the only daisy troop in my area and I don’t have time to constantly mother her.
Lots of advice from our scout leaders on Facebook:
Christina’s experience: I had a disruptive girl in our troop too. I told the parent she had to come to all trips and at the meetings she was with me at all times. Her mom wound up becoming my co leader. The girls are now Juniors in high school and she is still a scout and her mom is still the co leader.
Kelly’s advice: We had a girl like that in our troop. My co-leader and I spoke to the parent. First, we asked if she enjoyed being with us because her bad behavior leads us to believe she does not. After describing the escalating behavior and the disruption to the others (and you have violence against others property and person), that we must insist that a parent stay with her at meetings and chaperone events. The parent stayed for a few meetings and then they left. You need to have the difficult conversation with the parent. I think it keeps everyone open. And, be sure to let your SU manager know.
Debra’s opinion: I would not assume that having a parent at a mtg will fix the problem. I think there should be zero tolerance for some behavior, hitting a girl in the face is one of them. I had a similar problem, I disciplined her at every mtg, took her out, made her apologize, and by the time I got around to getting the girl out of the troop, I was on the verge of losing 4 of 12 girls because of the behavior. You are not her parent and can not change her behavior. Is it best for the troop to have her in the troop? If not, you have to remove her.
Mel’s response: I would not tolerate another child in my troop being hurt by another girl. I would be consulting council and Service Unit on how to handle this.
Rebecca: First line of help is the parents, tough conversation but you have a duty to keep other girls save, perhaps there are different techniques that work with her to get better behaviour. Require mom or dad stay for a few meetings. If they don’t see anything wrong, I’d talk with council and see if they had additional volunteers or resources. Finally nothing helps, ask council to move her…after telling parents. The thing is we leaders love the girls and work really hard, but we’re volunteers most not trained in more complex child behavior issues. If you can’t work with her it isn’t a positive experience for her, other 23 girls or you. So after best try sometimes a child leaving a troop is the best option.
Gemila writes: I would talk sternly to the girl that this behavior is not tolerated at all. I would tell her parents the same thing. If it happens again, she would have to leave the troop. Transferring her just transfers the problem to someone else. Not fair.
Laura’s idea: With one of my troops, I had a Daisy who would swear in front of the other girls and at our cookie booths, would make huge scenes at meetings, etc. Speaking to her mother didn’t do any good. After talking to our membership manager, she suggested we always have a behavior contract in place. The suggested contract included that the girl and her family would remove her from the troop after 3 incidents.
Erica’s input: If someone punched/hit my daughter in the face or damaged my car I would contact the police, file a report, contact my insurance company, and press charges. Wake that mamma up!
I want to suggest that the disruptive child is not “being a problem”, she is “having a problem”.
Many children with sensory processing issues, or trauma issues, are easily overwhelmed, and may exhibit odd, bizarre, or aggressive behaviors when overwhelmed. Lots of bodies and voices and activity in one room, especially a room with fluorescent lighting and an echo, are ‘way too overstimulating and threatening to some kids. Some kids are very sensitive to artificial dyes and flavors that may be in the snack you are serving. Once they get hopped up, they cannot self soothe and calm their bodies back down. This child in question is only a Daisy, and is probably not yet diagnosed. This child may do much better in a quiet environment, or outdoors. Scolding or raising your voice at her may be pouring gas on the fire. This child needs help. Sometimes, the mom is already at her wits end, and her presence at meetings will not help. I would suggest getting an older girl to attend meetings as a one on one for this child. Then be mindful of the meeting rooms general environment, and seek to tone it down.
We left a troop because of several very disruptive girls in the troop and troop leaders who were too non confrontational to address the issues.
I had a girl in my troop a few years ago that made me nearly cry after every meeting – she was difficult, had bad language and clique-y with another girl. I really wanted to ask her parents to remove her from the troop. But, my husband reminded me that this is why I was a girl scout leader – to help the girl who didn’t have a good role model to be a better person. She stayed in the troop and I won’t say it was easy but by the end of the year I was glad I listened to my husband. She didn’t not sign up for Girl Scouts the next year and from all accounts she hasn’t changed very much. That was three years ago and I take that mentality with every girl that has a problem – It has paid off with some very nice changes in behavior from some girls who were basically alone in the world. Make the world a better place one girl at a time.